


To Do: John Watson

by zigostia



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Airplanes, M/M, Mildly Cracky
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-16
Updated: 2018-07-16
Packaged: 2019-06-11 10:42:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15313746
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/zigostia/pseuds/zigostia
Summary: Things Sherlock Holmes HatesVacations





	To Do: John Watson

Things Sherlock Holmes Loves

A good, complicated murder

Car chases

Experiments involving hazardous, potentially life-threatening substenances

Cigarettes

Skulls

Cocaine

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Cabbies

Cabs

Cab Rides

Airports

Ridiculously long queues

Luggage check-in assistants with three husbands

The unnecessary and overly flamboyant manner in which security guards pin people's arms behind their backs

People

People who don't accept bribes

People who don't accept bribes from him, but will happily chat up a short, stocky man in a hideous jumper

Ridiculously long queues (it's worth mentioning twice)

Metal detectors

Overly sensitive metal detectors

Loud, irritating beeping noises

The fact that people think a gun is dangerous to bring onto a plane

The fact that a gun is dangerous to bring onto a plane

Not having a gun

Not having a gun while an ex-army doctor with a permit gets to keep his

Waiting

More waiting

Boredom

The fact that the casino games in the built-in tablets can maybe, with six hours and insane luck, win the player a granny smith apple

The hard, cold, bumpy backs of airport chairs

When John is adamant on slowly killing him with ennui by denying him the simple pleasures of hacking built-in tablets or commencing target practice on the back of airport chairs

Ridiculously long queues (thrice)

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Waiting

More waiting

WAITING

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Would Rather Do Than Wait

Organize his mind palace

 

Things That Prevent Sherlock Holmes From Organizing His Mind Palace

Offensively-loud women talking on their phones

Horrendously-loud babies crying in the arms of offensively-loud women talking on their phones

Abhorrently-loud seat tray lifting and closing and clicking shut by none other than John Watson, the traitor

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Loves

The phrase "Excluding me, the sum of the IQ of all the passengers on this plane does not exceed room temperature. Will all of you imbeciles just shut up for two minutes? Or are your vestiges of a brain too shrivelled to process that request?"

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Flight attendants

Passive aggressiveness

Threats

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Take-offs

Loud, rumbling noises

Creaking chairs

Feeling like someone is pressing a large wooden board onto your chest and then sitting on that board

Ear popping

Headaches

Nausea

Turbulence

Turbulence

Turbulence

How difficult it is to grab the airsickness bag

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is (Begrudgingly) Grateful Of

Army Doctor John Watson, who has seen ears torn off and legs bombed to pieces and is not swayed in the slightest at a bit of vomit

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Not Grateful Of

Vomit

The look-taste-smell-feel of vomit

How the look-taste-smell-feel of vomit lingers long after its introduction

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Wants To Say

Thank you

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Unsure Of The Proper Way To Say

Thank you

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Says

If you keep fiddling with the tray I'm going to puke on you

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Doesn't Hate

The sound of John's laugh

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Waiting

Boredom

Dear god, will this torture ever end?

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates More Than Waiting, Boredom, and Yes This Torture Will End in Four Hours So Shut The Fuck Up And Stop Whining

Food

Airplane food

Cheap airplane food

Sweet-and-spicy pork with rice

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Does Not Want to Do

Eat his food

Listen to a podcast

Enjoy a complimentary drink

Write in a journal

“Chat”

Count to one thousand by fours

Throw himself out the emergency exit

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Wants To Do

Test the plane’s smoke detector by smoking in the bathroom

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Not Allowed to Do, That Of Which If He Does He Will Be Forbidden From Crime Scenes For The Undetermined Future

Smoke

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Aware Of

John’s stubbornness and inability for his decision to be swayed

John's ability to sleep anywhere, no matter how bumpy, cramped, or loud

John’s inability to watch over Sherlock when he is asleep

The sleeping pills in his wallet

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Wants John Watson to Drink

A cup of hot, flavourful tea

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Wants John Watson to Watch While He Gets His Tea For Him, Because Sherlock Is Sitting in The Aisle Seat And Is Therefore Obviously The Best Candidate For Tea-Getting

The man sitting in the other seat next to John

Just because, now stop asking questions and watch him

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Not Incredibly Brilliant At

Coming up with enough of a backstory that would merit John watching the man next to him in the time it takes for a cup of tea to be poured and a pill to be crushed up

 

Things John Watson Now Thinks Is True About The Man Sitting Next To Him

He is an escaped convict in a crime in which he was falsely accused

The way he snores gives it away

Stop asking questions and drink your tea

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Not Aware Of

John's ability to detect any off-putting taste in tea, no matter how slight

The extent of John's doubt when it comes to Sherlock’s word, especially when it comes to the naturally-altered taste perception of humans due to altitude

John's knowledge on the taste of sleeping pills

How well John knows him and his love for cigarettes

 

Things That Give Sherlock Holmes Comfort

The fact that John has gotten three hours of sleep in the past twenty-four hours

The fact that John has five hours of nothingness in front of him

The fact that Sherlock has more than one tablet of sleeping pills in his wallet

The fact that, although John may recognize immediately the off-taste of tea, cheap airplane food is another thing altogether

The fact that John has eaten all of his sweet and spicy pork with rice

The pack of cigarettes in his pocket

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Was Not Aware Of

John’s tendency to migrate towards any source of heat in a three-foot radius

The uncomfortableness of the backs of airplane seats

John's inability to hold his own head up

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Currently Wildly Aware Of

The weight of John’s head on his shoulder

 

Things The Man Sitting Next To Sherlock Holmes Is Wondering

Why the man sitting next to him is not breathing

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Has Learned

The colour of John’s hair

The smell of John’s hair

The texture of John’s hair

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Nearly Learned, But Stopped Himself Due To The Bit-Not-Good-ness Of It

The taste of John’s hair

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Would Rather Do Than Smoke

Memorize the colour-smell-texture of John’s hair

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Has Realized

John has been secretly using Sherlock’s expensive conditioner

That he doesn’t mind

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Does Not Know The Proper Word For

The fluttery feeling in his stomach

The jittery feeling in his heart

The unevenness of his breathing

The elevation of his pulse

The

 

Oh.

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Really (Really) (REALLY) Should Not Do

Turn his head (just a bit)

Tilt his head down (just a bit)

Lean in (just a bit)

Kiss the side of John’s head.

Just a bit.

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Knows

The effectiveness of the sleeping pills will wear off rapidly due to the smaller amount consumed

If he waits any longer, John may wake up

He may refuse to accept any form or method of soporifics Sherlock may offer, consensual or not

Which means no sleeping

Which means no shoulder-leaning

No chance to

 

Just a bit.

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Does

Turn his head

Tilt his head

Lean in

Gently (gently) press his lips to John’s hairline, his temple, right above his left ear

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Doesn’t Know

John’s knowledge on Sherlock’s tenacity

John’s knowledge on the numerous sleeping pills in Sherlock’s wallet

John’s ability to notice a tiny tablet broken into four in a tray of sweet-and-spicy pork

John’s ability to pick at his food and eat around certain suspicious objects

John’s knowledge that Sherlock cannot smoke in the airplane bathroom with a head on his shoulder

John’s accidental borderline doze-off on Sherlock’s shoulder

John's jolt to clear-cut consciousness by a pair of lips on the side of his head

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Had Never Expected to Hear From John Watson In A Hundred Thousand Years

Finally

Took you long enough

Stop gawking and get over here, git. I want to kiss you properly.

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Very Bad At

Kissing

 

Things John Watson Is Very (Very) (VERY) Good At

Kissing

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Has Realized

His expensive conditioner makes hair very, very soft

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Wondering

Why he ever wasted money on cocaine to get high

How to convince John to do nothing but kiss him for the entirety of the duration of this plane ride, and maybe for the rest of his life

 

Things The Man Sitting Next To Sherlock Holmes Is Wondering

How to discreetly excuse himself from his seat in a manner that doesn’t convey his desire to remove himself from this third-wheely situation as much as jumping out of his seat and running away would

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Has Realized

John is an idiot

Sherlock is an idiot

Both of them are idiots

Together

That he is grinning like a madman and cannot seem to stop

That he doesn’t mind

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Wants To Join

The mile-high club

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Doesn't Want To Join

The chlamydia, gonorrhea, syphilis, and other difficult-to-spell STIs club

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Waiting

Boredom

Bloody Hell, is the plane flying to Jupiter?

 

Things That Substantially Decrease The Endless Agony of Waiting, Boredom, And One Hour Left, Love, I Know You Can Do It

John calling him “Love”

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Plane landings

Arm rests

Seat belts

Other objects that get in the way of him and John

Turbulence

T u r b u l e n c e

TURBULENCE

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Grateful For

His previously-learned knowledge on how difficult it is to grab the airsickness bag

The tin of mints in John’s trouser pocket

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

People who stand up the second the plane touches ground as if standing waiting for ten minutes is better than sitting and doing so

Realizing that he’s a hypocrite

Realizing that, after five hours of nothingness, his legs have stopped working

Realizing that, apart from his legs, there is many a number of body parts that are feeling less than great

Feeling like someone took a hammer and smashed it into his skull

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Doesn’t Hate

An excuse to lean his full body weight on John

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

John’s piss-poor balance and coordination

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Doesn’t Hate

The sound of John’s laugh

The sound of John’s laugh, blended with his own

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Wants To Say

Your laugh sounds like a violin sonata

Your eyes look like lapis lazuli gemstones

I cannot understand what you have done to me

I have never known someone whom I could tolerate, nor one who could tolerate me; you shattered all of that and more, and for that I cannot be more grateful

I want to hold your hand at crime scenes

I want to make tea and toast for both of us every morning

I want to retire to Sussex to keep bees with you

I want to hold you

I want you to hold me

I think

I think

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Says

I love you

 

Things John Watson Says

A stupid Star Wars quote

Alright, alright, I’m sorry, I had to. I love you too, idiot. Yes, even when you're an insufferable arse. I love you. I can’t believe I actually have to tell you that. I thought you were supposed to be the genius.

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

The way everyone crowds at the entrance of the luggage pick-up as if they’ll manage to achieve something legendary in the four seconds it’ll save them

Waiting

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Would Rather Do Than Wait

Kiss John

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Wants To Do

Create a spreadsheet for all of John's different types of kisses

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Is Going To Do When They Get Home

Create a spreadsheet

Compose a violin sonata

Plan a proposal

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Did Not Know

That you aren’t supposed to tell the person you’re planning on proposing to that you are

Well, at least now he knows he’ll say yes

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Hates

Vacations

OK, maybe not _this_ one

It’s more of a Sex Holiday

 

Things Sherlock Holmes Loves

Sex Holidays

A proper cup of strong black tea with milk and sugar

Wildflower honey on toast

Biscuits baked by Mrs. Hudson

Spreadsheets

Bees

Playing the violin

John

**Author's Note:**

> Tried something new. Hope it was OK!  
> Fun fact, this was written on a train ride instead of a plane flight. So sue me.


End file.
